I hate the Beautiful South

I'm riding the porcelain pony at work and its one of the few times I'm subjected to the radio in my life. I'm not the biggest fan of the radio, no matter what the station, but amongst the many stations guilty of crimes against humanity, Century FM has to be the biggest.

Seriously, they run whats called a "No Repeat workday" (or at least the used to), but the fuckers fail to mention the same playlist is used every day without fail. It's like being at a family gathering and they have one of those DJs that plays the typical 70s disco fever tracks, and thinks hes really extreme by doing the Bon Jovi, Brian Adams and Reef rock mix without realising how cliche he, or his choice in music is. I'm sure these DJs are brought up directly from the pits of Hell..

Well, anyway, I'm enjoying my game of Crazy Bubbles and what should come on the radio; the Beautiful South. Probably one of the worlds most middle of the road bands ever. I fucking hate them!

I mean who actually goes out and buys this shit. I tell you who; the kind of fucks that think that "don't Marry Her, fuck me" is controversial thats who. The kind of people that buy a Renault Espace, go on holiday with their three kids and the dog to France and both work in Accounts. The fuckers that in school thought that having a cider lolly was an excuse to pretend you were drunk and act like a cock, even though everyone thought they were a cock to begin with. People that were born from the turds of middle Britain and blocked Lytham Quays, thats who





Meet Alison Jack, the chairman of Defend Lytham. She looks like someone guilty of listening to the Beautiful South doesn't she. I bet she drives a Zara Picasso too and holidays in the south of France, but tells people she started going there before it was trendy. I am also to believe she is the wife of Michael Jack, local MP and all round Tory boy. He too is a bum winnet.. but thats another story.






Anyway, I digress... so The Beautiful South. Wikipedia cites them as being full of "Kitchen Sink Drama" and thats probably partially the reason I hate them so much. Every song is like an episode of Coronation Street, and as such, I want the band to die in a horrible tragedy. The world really doesn't need more Coronation Street..

The world also really doesn't need any more bands that are perched on that middle of the road peg, sitting on the sidelines ready to jump on the trendy bandwagon to make a quick buck. Now really, the Beautiful South aren't really guilty of this (and fortunately their split earlier this year means they won't be polluting our air waves with any new material.. they're old turds are destined to float around for years to come though), unlike many pop/rock bands *cough* U2 *cough* but they are painfully middle of the road.

U2... now thats a band I truly hate... *save that rant for another day*...

The BBC reported their split as the end of 19 wonderful years in music.. more like 13 shitty albums not worth the plastic they've been made out of. So the Beautiful South can go fuck themselves for ruining my toilet time.. and for giving dickholes like Alison Jack the "gritty" music they can concoct their plans for ruining one of the best things that could've happened to Lytham ever.

Dissecting the 13 points I wanted to do when I got back to the UK from 6 months ago...

I've been going through my blog, looking at the statistics to who visits a lot, and what traffic I draw back with my varying rants and spotted someone in Japan had been referred from Google with the search "Where is Guri Wonderland?" (The answer is Hell). I noticed my 13 points of things to do when I got back to the UK and it made me laugh as the reality is far from the ideal.

1. Pint in the Links... on Jonny! A game of darts and a few quid in the bandit... its stupid but thats home... slagging off the gay lord quiz master, whether thats the Racoon or that other Knucklebeard and then not really being all that bothered about it.

Lol... I never did get a pint out of Jonnys winnings, although he has bought me a beer. I've bought some darts and have started to improve, but since the only reason to go to the Sunday night quiz is over (Open the Box was won), no one goes in any more. I also forgot how bad the Sunday quiz is... man that quiz guy is a loser...

2. Boys nights...OiOi with eBoy and the lads.

I think in the 6 months I've been back I've had about 3 boys nights out at most. This isn't to say that I haven't been out on the lash after Snooker several times, just boys nights out have been a bit thin on the ground.

3. Talking Science with Phil

Haha... yeah, top job!

4. Snooker night!

Enjoyed the Snooker season, we finished third and got a trophy! Check the league table here!

5. Steak night at Spoons.

They've put the price up by 50p but its actually better than is used to be.. when they have my Ribeye steak in...

6. Mixed Grill and a pint of Bods at the Fairhaven.

My appetite has changed a little since coming home but I can still manage a mixed grill from the Fairhaven. Unfortunately they've put the price of drinks up beyond logic (a coke is something like £1.60 for a half pint!) so we don't like to go in as often. Food is still the best for portion size and quality in the area though.

7. Driving a car... any car!

I have just this month got enough money together to put my car back on the road. Its cost me a ridiculous amount!

8. Poker Tuesdays/Thursdays

I haven't been to play live poker since getting home, how sad!

9. Knowing my games consoles are all there...

Dreamcast is still at Daxs but I have the rest of them set up just about but our current living arrangement doesn't give me the best opportunity to play them all party style.

10. A TV thats less than 10 years old.... probably again, at Jonnys!

I bought a 32" LCD 2 months ago because the room we are living in was driving us insane and the only escapism was on a crappy 21" TV. It was cheap from DABs (£340 cheap) so I felt it was about time I invested in some new technology.

11. Sitting in the sand dunes.

Not sat in the sand dunes yet, Ive been for a walk on the beach, and took the camera down to try some HDR photography of the sea but thats about it.

12. Having more than one room in my house.

Haha.... we're actually living in a smaller space than I had in Korea and have been for the last 6 months! I've just got a new job so we're now in a position to move out but its been hell!

13. Tescos for bits and bobs at 1am when Im in one of those moods!

This is probably the best thing about living in the UK, but probably one of the worst things for the planet and society. Tesco are taking over and destroying small businesses the country over. Everyone is a slave to Tesco but when they have everything under one roof its great.

... too many little things to count really... moneys a nice thing to have, and tax is a nice thing to avoid, but without the small things it can be a little empty... until you have enough of it not to be bothered about the little things and can just do what you want all day!

What a crock of shit! I don't know what I was hopped up on when I wrote this but I take it back. Tax is a nice thing to avoid... yes, yes it really is... things have got worse in the UK and taxation is still on the rise. The government looks for more and more ingenious ways to make sure all of our wages eventually ends up back with them and we continue to stay numb because as a nation we tend to bury our heads in the sand and pretend it doesn't really affect us. House prices continue to rise, but hopefully an interest rate increase will overstretch a few people and I will be able to get a cheap house sometime in the near future.

Money is never empty... poor people just like to think it is because they don't have it and want to justify their own existence by saying things like "you can't buy happiness" etc etc. Its one of the biggest lies thats sold to society. Hollywood sells it, the music industry sells it and most people buy into it.

The truth is that of course you can buy happiness and everyone does buy happiness. You buy it in the shape of the things around you, your house, your car, nights out, nights in, the Sky subscription (keeping you fat and stupid on that big comfy couch of yours, snacking away like the bovine mind cattle you are), the kids, the dog, the designer clothes, the holiday to Tenerife, the weekend break to the Lake District. The secret is to keep you thinking that being really wealthy isn't something you would like, to keep buying things to make you happy and to keep the commercial world ticking over.

I don't know why I complain.. I, like everyone else, am searching for the comfortable place in society where I'm happy to take it in the ass. No matter what you do, where you live, what your walk of life is, someone or something will want to F you in the A. Whether that be the government, a gang leader, a pimp, your boss, your employees, or simply a totalitarian regime set on changing your country for the better of its own, someone is above you and they have that "Rodney" sized strap on ready to give you the ass pounding of your life. It's just a matter of how loose you are at the end of the day....

Grow a set..

Internet site of the week: NoMarriage.com

I found an interesting article on Digg on why men dont want to get married and in the large part I have to agree with it. I'm afraid to say that I see it in some of the people around me and it is quite true and hurtful to think that some women out there see men as a pay cheque, or have an ulterior motive towards marriage and kids. Don't get me wrong, men are quite shallow in some of their needs on this site, but some of the stories I can totally see happening. Some of these guys also need to grow a set but thats another story...

Two of my favourite statements on this site are:

Women are, for the most part, not well suited to accept reality or to think logically. they will approach a situation with their mind already made up, then they will twist and manipulate the information to validate what they're already thinking.

and

My granddad told me an insightful story before my wedding. He said for the first year of marriage to put a penny in a jar every time I had sex with my wife. Starting in year two, take out two pennies every time we had sex. He said there'd be money in the jar when I died. I think he's going to be right.

There are some quite bitter personal statements on this site, some jaded opinions of women and I can't help feel like the author got royally ass fucked by his wife in their divorce but all in all its a funny and interesting read.

If you are considering marriage I recommend checking out Whom Not To Marry and seriously reassessing the situation as a man, not a pussy whipped shadow of your former self. Making the wrong decision will see you in a loveless relationship, be destined for divorce and you living off 20% of your wages in a grungy little flat whilst she enjoys your kids, your house and gets everything shes been setting up from day one.

Am I in danger of becoming a girl...?! Beware of Insanely Cute Chihuahuas!!

If its news to you that we are looking for a Chihuahua then I have just told you. Once Amy and I get settled at wherever it may be we move to we are going to be looking to get ourselves a little dog called Sega.

Now searching for Sega thus far is fruitless as we can't actually a) afford him/her b) have him/her living with us in our one room at my dads and c) causing heart ache but none the less we have been. I think I am however, becoming a bit of a girl...

You must know that annoying noise girls make when they see something cute? I have been guilty of making that noise on several occasions recently. It is hard to contain that noise when you see some of the insanely cute dogs on the ePupz website we have been searching on and I have included some pictures of the most cute dogs we have seen so far.

Really though I dont care... and if you didn't make that noise when you saw the pictures I've added to this post, then you're dead inside!

How is this NOT cute?!

GamePro do a list of 52 of the most Important games ever... manages to ignore Sega and misses the mark by miles..

Starting here and baring in mind this is supposed to be a list of the most important games of all time this list manages to miss the mark by miles. Holy fuck someone hates Sega/loves Sony over at GamePro (maybe they gave them a batch of the PS3s they have lying around doing nothing...) so rather than creating my own list, I'm going to cover just 10 games they missed due to n00bism / stupidity / being 12 years old.



1. Sonic the Hedgehog - Sega Genesis/Master System/Game Gear
Surely this was one of the first battles of a console and caused more playground fights than any other pair in gaming history? Everyone had a favorite, whether it was the furry little Blue Hedgehog, or a fat Italian Plumber but this game started the term "console war" pitting it side by side with Nintendos mascot. If that alone doesn't justify its place on the list I don't know what the fuck will...




2. Sensible World of Soccer - Amiga/ PC / Atari ST(?)
Not a single football game on that list (damn Americans) but this is the first truly classic football game before licensing deals/EA dominance took over. Diehard fans are still creating updates for this game, it was just that good. Management decisions, glorious gameplay and difficulty, in its time this game had it all (and all the player names to boot)! This game is still one of the only great Player Manager football games available to date, 15 years later!



3. Monkey Island - - Amiga/ PC / Atari ST
LeChuck and Guybrush, Guybrush and Le Chuck... what a pair they are! Not the first point and click adventure, but it certainly led the way for Lucas Arts in terms of defining a pretty high standard of comedic script writing and a seemingly limitless number of possibilities for item combinations and actions. With 3 sequels, and numerous other classic Lucas Arts titles that follows (Day of the Tentacle and the brilliant Sam and Max are amongst my own personal favorites) this was definitely an important title for the adventure game genre.


4. Shenmue - Sega Dreamcast
Not only did this game show that a massive budget doesn't guarentee you success, nor does years of planning and script writing, it also showed what it technically possible with the Dreamcast, and within the world of video games. Hoping that the days of not being able to interact with all the objects in a game, Shenmue allowed us to play, fiddle and explore every item of the game, including drawers, cupboards and tables in random peoples houses.

I felt the western release of Shenmue was massively let down by poor (nay, terrible) voice acting which was a turn off for a lot of my friends at the time. If you could look past that, as hard as it was, what you found was a pretty engrossing adventure and quite deserved of a place in the most important video games of all time.


5. Crash Bandicoot - PSX
Crash became the "Mario" of Sonys console and his release into the Playstation catalog was much needed at the time. Crash Bandicoot became one of the first console shifters for the younger PSX audience and is responsible for many a Playstation in the kids bedroom. Whilst nowhere near as good or technically brilliant as Mario 64 on the N64, the Crash introduction as a brand name allowed for many more titles under its licence and yearly updates and versions. They even released a crappy Mario Kart clone or two, keeping all the Nintendo like fun accessible for those with the Sony console, and in terms of the market, I feel that deserves a place on the list.



6. Tomb Raider - PSX
This game became the first game to prove that sex symbols work to sell video games to teenage boys. Lara Croft instantly became the pinup of the day, with rumors circulating of "nude cheats" got the blood pumping to a certain body part that the industry hadn't seen much of before in any other form than cheap sex games. Since Lara there has been a strew of other game hotties, but lest we forget where Sex Symbols in games started to hit the mainstream.



7. Resident Evil - PSX / Sega Saturn
Fuck Resident Evil 4, this is the important Resident Evil. How dare they say that RE4 is more important than the founder of the Survival Horror genre! Where the likes of Alone in the Dark had failed, Resident Evil blasted its way onto the scene with a mixture of fear, tension and great puzzle solving like we had never seen before. RE led the way for Silent Hill, Illbleed, Dead Rising and every other survival horror title ever, showing us what in game tension should be all about.





8. Pokemon - Nintendo Gameboy
Probably the strangest omission I found seen as this is still going and has done more the burn the Nintendo brand into the mind of a generation than any other game, arguably more than even Mario. Pokemon has certainly help keep Nintendo afloat during the hard times of its previous games consoles.

You might not instantly know Pokemon is a Nintendo trademark, but I'm damned if you don't know what Pokemon is. Pokemon and its continuing reign of terror showed the industry how to market to kids and to be able to expand out of solely video games.




9. Double Dragon - Arcade
Ahh... the signs of a misspent youth in the arcade, but Double Dragon led the way for many of the great CPS2 games and arcade titles, including Final Fight, Knights of the Round, Streets of Rage, Golden Axe, Cadillacs and Dinosaurs and many other scrolling beat 'em ups. Whips, baseball bats and scary black giants that looked like Mr T.. this game rocked hard! Double Dragon started one of my favorite genres of games, and therefore deserves homage.


10. Katamari Damacy - PS2
Now there are many other titles I could list and justify, but I feel Katamari deserves a place because it proves a point that I have been trying to make for years, and is one of the only games I can recall that does it; it proves that crazy Japanese titles can and do work in the western hemisphere.

This game is truly brilliant, truly Japanese and without its successful launch in the west, it would be unlikely we would've seen the brilliant Loco Roco or a number of other games deemed to Japanese for our differing tastes.



Well, thats my choice of 10 games that should've made it to that list in the top 50. Granted it is somewhat an opinion outside of the top ten (Madden in second can eat my ass..) but really, not a single Sega title in there showed how much GamePro suck balls...

My new Chav Exhaust...

If you don't know the story I had to replace the mid section of my FTO exhaust at the weekend as it failed its MOT on emissions and after being quoted around £300 for a replacement mid box I was "fortunate" enough to find a discounted GS Sports Exhaust for the FTO for £230 Saturday delivered in the reduced section on a website.

There were no actual pictures so I had to cross my fingers and hope for the best.. it came and its Chavtastic!

Its a 5" back pipe and although it sounds rather nice, its looks rather silly compared to my twin tailpipe of before. It also hangs too low because of the rubber holding mount not being strong enough to support its weight. Great sound, stupid boy racer look... shame!

Don’t argue with Christians, it’ll only piss you off...

Digging at work helps fill the day...that first 45 minutes before the coffee kicks in, the 15 minutes before lunch, the hour after lunch whilst things digest, the 15 minute coffee break at 4 and the last half an hour before I go home. Inevitably I read bits that stimulate thoughts on existence, what I'm doing with my life etc etc and found this picture of the typical Bible Bashers promotion to try and guilt trip you into attending church this Sunday.

Well in the comments I found this particular comment by a so called Trinity (cliche Matrix wannabes can post interesting comments at times apparently)

Don’t argue with christians guys it’ll only piss you off. How can you beat someone who’s wrong but “knows” they’re right. You’ll only get pissed off. At least you can say to took the high road.

It was right up my alley really and quite deep if you can ignore the poor punctuation, grammar and non capitalisation (I can hardly lecture about writing I know..).

I've been known to tickle the feathers of many a Christian in my time, and have a perverse fascination with it. I am quite well read on the religion as a whole, and this comment shares the general attitude I get when trying to voice my opinion. If you're going to have to listen to their bullshit its always handy to have a counter argument to the shit they'll try and coax you in with. In the words of Rage Against The Machine, "Know Your Enemy" is the only defense you have.

It always amazes me how someone with such strong beliefs is the least likely to listen to your own opinions and beliefs. They're the first to reject anything other than their own doctrine as the truth when there is plenty of evidence to support other "theories".

Christians don't really have much to go off, and what they do have has been twisted, reworded, sections removed, edited to fit in with whatever agenda the Christian Missionaries and Crusaders had at the time. You have to laugh when the ideals of 2000 years ago can be hung upon word for word, yet evidence disproving their doctrine with modern science is dismissed as blasphemy, Satans work or just ignored completely.

To be honest I'm not out to kill Christianity specifically, its just closer to home for me and I have to deal with it every day. I'm sure if any religion was forced upon me I would "rebel" against it just the same. I just wish people wouldn't quote the Bible as if it was the only solution...

I mean I could never accept a religion that forced me to accept it as the only truth and denounce all other Gods and possibilities. Just over a hundred years ago scientists thought the atom was a "plum pudding" then they researched and human driven technology allowed us to find nano particles and all the other "fluff" in an atom that we could never have imagined existed... religions are no different, and I always like to keep my options open.

The question I always get asked is "how can you live a good moral life without religion" and people who ask this question get the same look like the next thing Im going to do is punch them in the face. What you're trying to say in that is that you think I'm that fucking stupid that without a book I can't tell the difference between right and wrong, or that you're that stupid... either way I'm antagonised into responding where normally I should just walk away.

If you're such a moron that you can't work out that killing, adultery, stealing, lying and greed are wrong then you need help and maybe you should be cleansed from the gene pool. The first 4 commandments are bullshit to begin with, then honouring my mother and father because God says so without them having to earn respect, lead their own good life is also bullshit (If my parents are Satan worshiping heathens is it still commanded that I honour them... I mean where do you draw the line on that one?). The last 5 "commandments" are just common sense/the law so outside of that you have a whole host of fun to be had if its only by those laws you live (no wonder Catholic Ministers think its ok to bum alter boys).

Rather than teaching religion in schools we should analyse all religions and take the lessons that are to be had from all religions and use them to better ourselves. Religion has a lot to offer the human race, and is also filled with a lot of bullshit, but we can only learn from it if we accept them for the stories and guilt trips they are; in 2007 we don't need the guilt part (commercialisation and global conglomerate has this covered), or the silly practices involved. Maybe if we took the best elements from all religions and created one Super Religion that aimed to teach rather than preach we would be able to evolve and grow, but whilst people are still killing themselves in the name of God, Allah or whatever the fuck you want to call your divine spirit, we will continue to expand but never develop.

Honey BBQ Boneless Bites : Pain, Expensive and more Pain...

If you live in the shithole we call the UK you have probably seen the advertisement for KFCs new Honey BBQ chicken on TV. If you haven't, its advertised with delicious looking chicken pieces on a rack being drizzled in luscious BBQ sauce in slow motion; one of those adverts that if you're hungry sends you directly to the fridge.

So I thought I would give it a whirl this week, being Filthy Friday and all, and I have to say I was left disappointed and in pain....

The fat guy behind the KFC counter (who looked a lot like Michael Moore actually) grabbed a few scraps of chicken then took them over to a vat of disgusting looking hot sauce and I knew I was set for disappointment from the get go. The box reminded me of the con of popcorn chicken, again scraps of chicken thrown in the smallest container they could find.

I got back to the office and the first thing I got stuck into was the BBQ bites. As I opened the box I got a distinct acidic waft that burnt my nostrils a little (they smelt good in the bag driving back though) and was met with the above and below images.

The first image I've shrunk but the second is full high res taken with our Canon EOS 350d digital SLR and I recommend checking out the detailing on that chicken because it can only be described as fucking disgusting! It looked like a cross between something the cat dragged in and something it later shat back out...

But fast food is often like that, so I thought I better give it the taste test to confirm my already suspicious mind. One bite and my teeth moved into a firework display of pain. My mouth exploded with the honey entering every little flaw in my "british smile" and not having the best teeth at the minute they were now feeling the wrath of not having a dentist visit in 18 months (bad I know but who has the money when you can't get an NHS dentist..).

I preservered through the pain and tastewise they were very sharp and acidic. If youre a big fan of McDonalds BBQ sauce over KFCs then you'll love these Im sure, but for me it burns my chest. So not only did I have to suffer on the processing, the digestion also came back to haunt me. The sauce is so powerful it completely masks the coating which would be the only redeeming factor KFC has to offer given theyre supposed to be chicken experts and all.

At £2.49 (over $5 at the current exchange rate..) for 5 little blobs of chicken this will certainly be the last time I get them. If you want to recreate them without having to support KFC in the process just buy a bag of shit chicken nuggets from tesco for 52p or whatever the value brand nuggets cost (*shudders* I don't actually want to know what is in 50p for 40 chicken nuggets..) and steal a few free pots of BBQ sauce from McShits... trust me, it'll be exactly the same.....

Score: 1 and a half BBQ Boneless Pieces out of 5

Knorr soup is the shizzu!

Are you like me in that you are constantly on the munch at work? I don't know what it is about sitting at a desk that gives me the urge to be nibbling on a cereal bar, or have a big fat mug of soup with my cup of coffee next to it, but I can feel the pounds piling on the more I do.

Anyway, I have been striving to find a great soup and today I think I found it! I tried the god awful Tesco Vegetable "Soup in a mug" the other day, or as I called it "1/3rd a Cup a Soup meets cornflour and dog gizz" and after that disaster I was a bit wary about my next soup purchase.

Amongst other things, Im a definite bargain hunter and often get suckered into the BOGOF offers in the local Tescos on our lunchtime missions, so my lunchtime munchies generally consist on whatever soups/pasta snacks are on offer this week.

Last week it was Cup a Soup buy 3 for £1.80 or something, all mediocre and tasting a bit weak compared to what it used to (doesn't everything these days?!) but not a bad deal. This week there was nothing.

Trying not to panic at the concept of not bagging a bargain and having to pay full price for soup I found what sounded like a good idea. Knorrs actual instructions involve simmering the soup for 5 minutes, but I figured "hey, its fucking soup... what can go wrong?" and you know what... I'm a fucking genius thats what!

I bagged a Minestrone and a Florida Spring Vegetable (whatever the hell that is) to test for 51p each. Given that its suggested making is around 3 mugs (900ml) I figured this was a great buy.. and its turned out to be the best soup ever, or at least the Minestrone has.

I reckon you could easily get 4 mugs out of one pack as my soup was extremely rich and seriously tasty. There was plenty of "bits" including some strands of thin spaghetti that were edible within a few minutes. Overall the flavour took a piss in Bachelors Cup a Soup minestrone and their whole entire range, and teabagged Tescos own brand Shit in a Mug several times. Knorrs soup has now become my soup of choice for day time guzzling.

Score : 5 mugs out of 5! :D

Sony Hates Europe Part 1 : Blu-ray Region Coding map of "Fuck You"ism...brilliant!

Sony Hates Europe... Part 1

Sony hates Europe, it really does. I can't quite put my finger on it quite yet but it really does hate us Europeans. Whether it be the long delays on releases to our region, higher prices or just shitting on us all round, Sony just loves to take a dump on us Europeans.

I am presenting evidence that Sony does indeed hate us in part one of my ever growing rally of materials on Sony with the

Blu-ray Region Coding map of "Fuck You"ism...brilliant!

The above genuine Sony map is the new region coding mechanism for Blu-ray discs. The breakdown is as following:

Region A:	Region B:	Region C:
- North America	- Europe	- Russia
- Central America	- Middle East	- India
- South America	- Africa	- China
- Korea	- Australia	- Rest of World
- Japan	- New Zealand
- South East Asia

Now really, this banding makes no sense to me. Unlike the DVD regioning, where you could see some kind of banding, this new scheme sends one big fat message to Europeans and thats Sony hates you!

Ok, ok... let me explain myself a little! First look at that colour scheme; Green, Amber and Red. They could have used any colours for that map, so why a palette that suggests good, ok and bad regions? Well, look at the red countries... the STOP/DANGER countries of Russia, India and China. Producers of probably 90% of the pirated discs so they get a big fuck you. As does anyone thats not deemed as being part of the continent structure.

Next we have the WAIT/WARY continents, those in too much conflict to buy movies, too poor, or just an island full of convicts, bad losers with seriously bad sportsmanship... and then wait, Europe has been lumped in there too! These nations are your average Joe driver nations... those that would normally stop at a yellow light, but could speed through and import if they want to risk it.

Then finally the SAFE go, go, GO continents which includes Central and South America and South East Asia apparently. I mean what the fuck... how does a cinematic masterpiece from Sao Paulo get the same region as Hollywood, yet we get lumped with the Middle East? Holy fuck... even Cuba gets preference over the EU! I wouldn't be so pissed off if Japan was in region B (like region 2 DVDs that are EU and Japan) as thats all I really care about.

Anyway, it hates Europe because it has to add subtitles to its movies in 20+ different languages, then create an advertising campaign for each one of those countries. It hates us because it has to create box art for each one of those regions. It hates us because we dont resemble one big fat cash cow... were a field of little cows that all need feeding in our own unique way. Sony hates our uniqueness costing its precious company much needed dollars and wants us to die.

Region locking sucks balls. Period. It serves no purpose other than allowing us to be subjected to the advertising for that product when its released for our region and this is the reason its there. Why not scrap it and do global releases or use a region coding system that actually makes sense.


I mean an English release region for one. Call this region 1. No other languages, no other subtitles and audio tracks, just an English audience region disc that can be spat out of Hollywoods vagina straight after the cinema. Then start fucking around with your other language releases.


The best solution for both parties would be to follow Microsofts lead on the Xbox 360 and leave the decision up to the producers. I guess the Movie Industry doesnt have enough independent publishers to justify this approach, and those that would probably opted for HD-DVD anyway! :)

(Sorry, this hasn't been one of my best rants, I just wanted people to see that map!)

I'm Han Solo... who the fuck are you?

Bored... did some Star Wars test to find out im Han Solo... whatever...

Q2 PAL Release Dates shocking for the Wii - Fuck you Nintendo.... fuck you in the eye...

I've been waiting for Paper Mario since I was fortunate enough to get my Wii just before Xmas after weeks of hounding at my local Tescos (And their lies about not getting more stock in..). In fact, I've been waiting for any "good" game for the Wii since putting Zelda down.

Wii Sports are great, well.. the bowling and baseball elements are anyway, but they're definitely not justifying a price tag and Nintendo got it right not to "charge" for it. Zelda is one of the greatest games of all time... and once I get my component cable Ill be back into it (it looks shit on my current TV via S-video cables), but there isn't much out at the moment justifying a PAL price tag. The games I had interest in (Trauma Center and Super Swing Golf) have been postponed in Europe and are coming soon (6 months late isn't good enough in 2007).

I'm starting to see the light and almost believing the Wii is a fad... I hate to say it too, but Nintendo Europe are doing NOTHING to rectify this and I just think we will continue to get the shaft throughout the life of the Wii. I was hoping to hear some good news when searching for PAL releases in Q2, a quarter thats never really full of great games, but as Nintendo have fucked us out of the release of a lot of games thus far, I wanted to see one "Home Run" title to make me believe in the Big N.

But the Wii line up is as follows for Q2 in Europe:

• Wing Island (Nintendo / Hudson) - 13th April 2007

Never heard of it... Hudson haven't released a good game since Saturn Bomberman arguably and their latest revision, Bomberman Act:Zero is an atrocity to man that should be buried in Nevada with all those copies of E.T

• Chicken Little: Ace in Action (Disney Interactive Studios) - 20th April 2007

Don't make me punch someone in the mouth...

• Cooking Mama Wii (505 Games) - April 2007

I actually have to say I kinda want to play thing game *hides head in shame*

• Elevator Action (505 Games) - April 2007

Sounds like cheap porn...

• Pop'n Pop (505 Games) - April 2007

Bust A Move ripoff maybe? Jordans breasts at 35,000ft? Who knows...

• Heatseeker (Codemasters) - April 2007

Again, sounds like cheap porn... involving Cowboys and pudding in hot tubs... *shudders*

• BIONICLE Heroes (Eidos / TT Games) - April 2007

Wow... I can already get this title on my 360 so I'm not going to pay more for a bastardised PAL Wii version.

• Eledees (Konami) - April 2007

NO NO NO NO NO!!! ITS ELEBITS YOU FUCKS!!!! I really, really, REALLY can't believe they had to rename this game... and I really can't believe how late this game is as its one of the few games I really wanted to play. It's since been ripped to shreds so I'm not even sure I'm going to bother now anyway.

• Impossible Mission (System 3) - April 2007

Woohoo... old skool C64 action. Impossible Mission in my memories was an amazing game and I'm afraid to emulate it in fear of shattering that illusion. If this game blows I'm going to be very sad indeed.

• Mario Strikers Charged Football (Nintendo) - 25th May 2007

First game to support online play.. hmm... nah, Winning Eleven X anyone??

• Brunswick Bowling Wii (505 Games) - May 2007

Wii Bowling is about as professional as my bowling fix needs to be and that came free with my Wii...

• World Championship Poker Featuring Howard Lederer: All In Wii (505 Games) - May 2007

Gambling for fake money... sounds great! Oh wait... no, no it doesn't... PKR.com?

• Spider-Man The Movie 3 (Activision) - May 2007

Movie exclusives... now they're always great games...

• Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (Disney Interactive Studios) - May 2007

... see previous sarcasm...

• Mortal Kombat: Armageddon (Midway) - May 2007

Has there not already been an Mortal Kombat: Armageddon?! Great use of a cliche word rather than a number..

• Puzzle Balls (System 3) - May 2007

Oh LOLOL... better than Sticky Balls I guess!

• Chicken Shoot + Egg Catcher (ZOO Digital Publishing) - May 2007

So let me get this straight... I have to massacre chickens by blowing them to bits with a shotgun, then I have to steal their eggs? What a great idea for a game! 0.o

• Pangya! Golf with Style (Nintendo) - June 2007

Golf with Style. Notice the capitalisation of the word Style. Fuck me Nintendo, why not call it "Paris Hiltons Pangya! Golf with Style" and have that cum gobbling whore say "Thats hot..." after every shot. I'm seeing pink golf bags and golf balls with her Chihuahua on...

• Dave Mirra Racing Wii (505 Games) - June 2007

I wondered what happened to the source code for BMX XXX... well heres our answer!

• Transformers - June 2007

Oh please... leave the movie exclusives alone will you! Transformers was good back in the day... LEAVE IT ALONE!!

• Mercury Meltdown Revolution (Ignition) - Q2 2007

You think someone would have told the development team that mercury is perpetually in a liquid state and the concept of it melting isn't a revolution...

• Metal Slug Anthology (Ignition) - Q2 2007

Great game... emulated brilliantly by my original Xbox that still resides underneath my TV.



Well... thats the lot! No Super Paper Mario, no Mario Galaxy, no Metroid, no Resident Evil 4 for Wii. Nothing! Youll see those titles on the other side of the Atlantic but not in Europe. So fuck you Nintendo, I'm off to Mr. Modchips so I can actually play some good games on the console with so much promise. This is the last time I get stung by a PAL machine, I swear to fucking Christ!!

Live outside the EU and got a PSP? Get a bargain for one week only... f**king Sony...

Live outside the EU and got a PSP? Well this is your oportunity to own Loco Roco for the wonderful price of $14.90 (or £7.60 to UK readers). Get across to Play-Asia (see banners) now to grab a copy for this week only! Want to know why us EU folk can't get a copy for so cheap? Thank Sony...


If you don't know what happened to Lik-Sang then I'll tell you briefly and let you make up your mind about them. Lik-Sang were a small Hong Kong based exporter of video games and merchandise from around the world. That meant us poor folk in the UK, and all over Europe, who have been shat on ever since the first iterations of games consoles had the choice to buy US, Japanese or European releases of games when they came out.

This was important as many games in Japan and the US were released way before their UK counterparts and (up until recently where this no longer matters) were natively 60Hz. Remember Star Wing on the PAL SNES and half the screen being borders? That was because of the 50/60Hz issue and our TV systems being different pixel ratios

The other great thing about importing games is the price difference. In the old days of the SNES, importing games was an expensive experience (a copy of Street Fighter 2 Turbo cost me £70 to import from the US back in the day). Thanks to the internet, and global prices generally being cheaper outside the UK, games since about 1998 were and have been generally cheaper to buy directly from Asia. Sony Europe didn't like this...

They took it upon themselves to try and bring down this "Robin Hood" of the grey import market by suing them from so many angles that Lik-Sang eventually had to buckle. One of Sonys bullshit reasons was that the PSP power supply provided from Asia didn't meet "strict EU guidelines" yet the last time I checked my PSP power supply has the CE mark and all the other stuff required. Since when has a DC adaptor been safe for those Asians to use, but not us safety conscious Europeans?!

It seems strange that they only started to really pressurise online exporters around the time preorders in Japan and the US for the PS3 just started. I can only assume Sony didn't like the fact you could buy a region free games console (both the PSP and PS3) and/or the games for about half the UK retail price when they have so much invested in another intellectual property... like their movie industry ties. The failed UMD movie format was the only part of the PSP that carried any form of region locking, and more notably, the Blu-Ray discs are the only region locked part of the PS3. Having eTailers able to provide movies way before their EU release dates would be disastrous for their PR and advertising campaigns in those regions and thus lose sales when we get the upped price discs here.

I also think someone had a lot of sand in their vaginas over at Sony prior to the PS3 launch, with their escalating prices for the PS3, lack of produced units, problems with the Blue diodes and the constant complaints of overpricing of the PSP in Europe and just needed someone to smash their fist into. Lik-Sang was that bitch!!

So, Lik-Sang is gone because they refused to cave in to Sony and they lost. Other online exports, like Play-Asia, now do not ship to zones in the EU that Sony says they aren't allowed to. Nintendo and Microsoft are still more than happy for you to buy their machines and games from wherever in the World you like (after a genuine product sale is a sale for the bigger picture). But not Sony, oh no.. overall it just seems bad for the consumer, bad for the exporter, and surely.. bad for Sony..


Well, anyway... there we go... if you do live outside the EU, go grab a copy of Loco Roco today. Its cute, its fun and its unique - its just an all round great game!! If not, show your protest for Sony Bullshit and just boycott all their products... you can generally identify them as those that aren't good for you, are shit advertised and repackaged to look like they're something they're not and are only out to make money for some greedy corperate scumbag... much like fast food!

Xbox 360 Castlevania Symphony of the Night 200.6% Complete baby, YEAH!

So I did it! I finally completed Castlevania SOTN to 200.6% on my 360, without doing any of the Sword Familiar cheating, and unlocked the 35 Achievement points for doing so! The last pesky areas were in the Colosseum, which funnily enough Amy found on the map I printed... they weren't even the difficult to find areas either!

So that left me with 2 achievements on the game left to complete; kill Dracula without getting hit for 10 points, and the slightly more challenging, Complete both Castles with Richter for 45 points... so on we marched!

Amy needed to do some research on the PC, so I used the time wisely and proceeded to start the game as Richter (enter your name as "Richter" if you didn't know) and play through. Richter is a bit of a git to play with as he doesn't level up, has no way of gaining health on the move (other than the "secret areas" where you can find the powerup items that restore your health, as do the drops after defeating a boss) and most hits to Richter knock off 1/3rd of his energy.

Playing as Richter therefore becomes a constant battle to get to the next save spot before something gets a lucky blow in, which is fine in the Castle but in the inverted Castle it becomes an absolute nightmare at times. There were lots of "shit"s "fuck"s and even a "MOTHERFUCKER" at times!

My advice for this achievement is a mixture of the Holy Water or the Daggers as your secondary weapon of choice. Most of the bosses between the start and the Inverted Clock Tower are easiest killed with the Daggers and hitting Y at the right moment for a 20-30 hit combo, but for some of the tougher areas of the Inverted Castle (the Church Stairway for one, should you choose this path!) are a constant Holy Rain attack area!

Despite the many, many times I died in some areas, I managed to get to the Inverted Clock Tower in less than 45 minutes playtime. I then proceeded to kick Shafts ass (what an unfortunate name for a boss character) and completed that achievement!

Last but not least, I had to kill Dracula in Bloodlines without getting hit. After getting hit when Dracula metamorphosises into demon form several annoying times, I changed tactics and collected the Holy Water on the end candlestick and just punished his bitch ass with Holy Rain and hid in the corner. Cheap? No doubt... but 200 out of 200 achievement points for one of my favorite games of all time look good on the olde Xbox Dashboard! :D

This is the first game I have all the achievement points for too.. Konami had the good graces not to put some insane and impossible challenges in there, you know.. like Complete the game in a Record Speedrun style time!

800 Xbox points thoroughly well spent, 10 hours+ of well enjoyed retro fun and Castlevania Symphony of the Night has been totally worth the wait! This game is brilliant and a timeless classic that I truly recommend to anyone.. whether you get an original PSX version, the arguably better Saturn version (with Maria as a playable character and a couple of extra sections to the game), a PSP "PS1 emulated" version or whatever, anyone with a love for gaming should play this game.

Claiming my Technorati Profile...

Technorati Profile

I hate Halle Berry...

Generally, if you don't want to be on the backlash of a shit load of abuse, its wise to steer clear of talking to me about a lot of actresses, but Halle Berry takes the cake as one of my most hated actresses. She even beats Julia Roberts, and that takes a lot, thanks to her self righteous speech about being voted sexiest woman (wtf?) and it being a step forward for black women...

Shes been talking to Parade magazine (don't ask how I know..) about how she tried to commit suicide over her failed first marriage by trying to "gas" herself. She says:

"I was sitting in my car, and I knew the gas was coming when I had an image of my mother finding me. She sacrificed so much for her children, and to end my life would be an incredibly selfish thing to do. It was all about a relationship. My sense of worth was so low. I promised myself I would never be a coward again."

I mean what is this article... am I meant to feel sorry for the selfish bitch or what?! This does nothing more than re-enforce the fact she is a self involved slut with no regards for those around her, including her friends and family.

Really... why is she telling the world this? Is it so people will turn around and say things like "oooh, that Halle Berry has had a tough life. You know, it must be so hard for her when so many people think shes the sexiest woman on the planet (again... wtf), a big, rich and powerful movie star with all her homes around the world, who has the ability to do so much good in this world now". I mean come on...

We all have problems and have to deal with shit on a day to day basis, but when a multi award winning actress harps on to a magazine about how she almost committed suicide it pisses me off. How could she ever come close to "rock bottom" and think that suicide is her only option?

I wouldn't mind if she'dve had a decent go at it, you know, hacked into her wrists in a warm bath (remember its down the lines not across the tracks people!), ODed on a massive speedball (heroine and amphetamine mixed I think?), or took a running jump out of one of her (many) penthouse apartments. At least then you could say "Wow... shes such a survivor... someone was looking out for her that day" (I wouldn't.. someone might). But no... all shes done is over dramatise leaving the car running as shes parked it in her garage, then saved it for a shitty magazine interview so they can sell a few million copies with the title "Halle Berry Attempted Suicide SHOCKER!!" (see digg article for an example of how to sell a story).

All credibility for everything she has ever done has just been wiped of the charts in my eyes now. Even admitting this, no matter whether its to be honest, to sell a magazine, to get you some (much needed) current spotlight attention, whatever, just goes to show you are a thoughtless, manipulative piece of filth that is better suited to sucking cock than having the ability to do good things for this planet.

If this interview was an attempt to show you are a strong person and a fighter, you missed the boat completely. I just hope karma catches up with you and you die in a fire.

So well done Halle Berry... you are now my most hated female actress... the next time you're thinking of suicide just drop me a line... hopefully I can give you a few pointers and together we can get it right this time.

199.4% through Castlevania Symphony of the Night! Damn you Konami!!!!

This weekend, and since its release a week last Wednesday, I have mostly been playing Castlevania SOTN on my Xbox 360. Some of you may know of its 200.6% completion target, and is actually one of the achievements. Being the Castlevania geek that I am, I have to prove my might and get this achievement unlocked (its actually on my CV that I have done this on its original PSX release so it would hardly be right if I didn't get it on my 360!).

But I'm currently stuck at a whopping 199.4% and that pesky 1.2% eludes me! Then I only have to complete it with Richter and boom, first game to get all the playpoints for!