The Cock and Balls Project

Well London has now 100% fallen through... what a shit load of fuck! It has been one thing after another really and in some respects Im glad it has. They showed as much compassion as Adolf Hitler with a bus load of Jews holding a firebomb to my sob story of why I couldnt make it for my first day and needed some extra time to you know, relocate to the shithole that is London.

He is my sob story:

Dear Adolf,

Well it really has been a weekend of despair and madness, and of plans changing and changing again. Essentially I have been let down by both my places to stay in the London area and in turn, am not going to be able to start without a little help/after a few days of house hunting.

Having only let me know yesterday that my family can no longer put me up, my friend in Northampton let me know he will be away on business for a week, I have been frantically searching for a viable solution all day.

If I had money to burn I would've quite simply drove down this afternoon and found a short term B&B until I could find a decent place to rent, but knowing i will undoubtedly need every penny I have for a deposit etc I did not feel this was a great solution. Knowing nothing of London I do not know what areas are good, and what are not, and I would really like to get a thumbs up before jumping into something, even in the short term.

So I'm left with a dilemma, no place to stay and am open to suggestions! I really will need to be in the area to look for a flat, but at the same time I can't afford to be traveling back and forth to view properties. I really am drawing blanks when it comes to London now as its so expensive, and although Ill be ok once I have a place sorted in the right area, if Im not able to preview anything before hand, or discuss with people experienced in the area (i.e. people at work!) Im a bit lost!

Which leads me to ask for some advice in this scenario. I want to get down as soon as possible but Im a little inexperienced when it comes to renting/relocating and am just out of ideas! I need something cheap and short term, and don't mind traveling a bit to get in within reason. I hate to have to bring this on you, but I really don't know what else to do.

I seem to recall you mentioning you are not in tomorrow so I will call to confirm the theme of this email with the number I have, and I'll hope to hear from you soon. I will do my uttermost to minimise the amount of time it takes to find somewhere to stay.

Kind Regards,
David Brown

Not too weak, not too anything other than you've given me a week to relocate to London, plans have changed and are out of my control. This was sent on Sunday night, when I knew there would be no way of me making it.

On Monday I contacted them and spoke to probably the rudest man I have ever had the displeasure of speaking to, their MD.. a supposed Upper Echelon of their team, but he was nothing other than a giant vagina with sand in. Three of the comments that left me with a severely bad taste in my mouth included "We are not a Housing Agent", "I don't see how where you live is in any way our problem" and "We have set up a computer for you, that was a complete waste of time".

To which he left the conversation by telling me Adolf would be in touch and left me know what is going to happen. I immediately contacted my recruiters to let them know what this giant douche had said.

Low and behold, today at about 12pm I got an email off Adolf to let me know the following:

David,

Your unannounced no-show on your first day of employment has sent ripples through the management here at the Cock and Balls Project. This has not only disrupted schedules but also wasted time as various people have been making preparations. This firm has now lost faith in your relationship with us.

Unfortunately, due to the gravity of this situation, we are withdrawing our offer of employment at The Cock and Balls Project. We feel that this is the best route for the both of us.

We wish you all the best for your future.

Best,
Adolf H.

As Paul pointed out, this was a reply to the previous email... doesnt take a genius to realise my no show wasn't in any way shape or form unannounced! His "ripples through management" comment is pure class... it makes my joining their team sound like a world shattering event, and by not doing so I may have caused the Earth to implode!

So I'm back to the drawing board on the job front... not the best news Ive ever shared but its probably (definately) for the best. Which now leaves me with this...

Day off work... £70... Diesel...£35.. M6 Toll Road... £8...Subway in Shithole London...£7... Starbucks Coffee... £2

Getting out of a dickhole company before you start work for them... priceless!