Delving inside the Madness - A little insight... part 1 : Kimo and Diggs

For those living room psychologists out there that might want to know where some of my anger/crazy comes from I just thought I'd start sharing some of my childhood memories with the world. I'm going to start with a couple of young boys known as "Kimo and Diggs".

High school was a bit of a mixed bag for me; I went from being Head Boy at my Primary School to losing all respect for those that strive for roles like that, seeing the secret handshakes, hidden winks and favours that are so true in Life and hated the fact they existed. Primary School was how things should be, best man for the job and all that, High School inadvertently introduced me to the fact that if Mummy or Daddy was on the PTA or some other bullshit extra curricular activities, you found it much easier to schmooze into roles of "power". It only takes a few of these instances to knock any energy out of an intelligent kid and jade their perspective on life forever...lol...

In any case, this relates to "Kimo and Diggs" how I hear you ask. Well, Kimo was my nickname from 13 to 16 due to when I shaved my head and I looked like a kid going through chemotherapy. So I've never been able to spell, sue me..

"Diggs" is my good buddy Phil, so names because of his Butthead style sideburns, or "diggers" as they we otherwise know. Phil is some of the reason I got through high school alive, and I'm sure he'd be happy for me say this was true vice-versa.

The answer to"why" is because when predators have the potential to surround little fish the best form is to stick together and deflect oncoming attacks onto others. I'm not necessarily proud of this, but it was a survival technique we felt we had to use.

Kimo and Diggs were the foundation of my first band called "The Stars Collection". We put on little skits in our Religious Education class "mocking the afflicted" (one of our motto's) and sung the songs we wrote to the music of cheesy pop music like Dancing Queen by Abba. We even had a miniature keyboard we used for a backing beat (we were poor kids after all and couldn't afford the luxuries of pianos or music lessons).

We had various "victims" we tortured with our humiliating songs have probably been scarred for life. Martin Kendrick, the poor guy, probably committed suicide long ago - a boy with perpetual bad luck and really did look like an extra from Space Precinct. His eyes were so far apart they may as well have been on the side of his head, and was nicknamed "Guppy" accordingly. He bought a brand new Manchester United football shirt with Mark Hughes 10 on the back, only for the very next day for him to announce he had been sold to another club. A boy we wrote a song called "Chernobyl Disaster" about his grotesque appearance.

Tim Smith was also another victim of our mental abuse. This boy told so many lies to make himself look cooler than he actually was, we didn't know where the truth began and the bullshit ended. We wrote "Homeless Queen" along to the aforementioned Abba track with the lyrics "Homeless Queen, busking and playing his tambourine - You will laugh, he will cry, spending the rest of his life..in a box... do do dooo... he is the Homeless Queen". I'm sure there was a track about him giving head for crack but time has hazed my memory a little... that and head butting Sonic Blastman one too many times and having the ability to roll "cigarettes" involving more than one rizla and cone....

Tims story is also funny as he was the school bitch and got picked on even by the nerds and geeks. I don't remember him ever getting a lunch at school.. he was involved in what can only be described as a human fox hunt and he was the fox. We had something called a "bag job" at school where you would fill you bag with the heaviest books you could find and then beat the shit out of someone with it. Tim and his daily fox hunt experience involved a field full of kids taking it in turns to chase him to the point of exhaustion, then upon his collapse, the whole field would pile in to "bag job" Tim. You think after a few times he would just give in straight away, take the beating and just get on with his lunch, but no, Tim ran.. well, hobbled... one of his nicknames was "Rickets" due to his comical inability to run.

Kids have it tough at high school and I was no different.. I just dealt with it in a slightly different way to most by making a show of things to deflect the bullying. The Stars Collection was Phil and my first accepted fan base and people actually liked what we did. We were funny and weird and in a time of Beavis and Butthead, Ren and Stimpy and all the other weird and funny things MTV were doing at the time and people liked it. We were still outsiders but people knew who were were and to leave us alone or feel the wrath of our songs that the rest of class would be singing about them...

So thats that... we were the original Tenacious D... *rock* :)

Site of the Week - Cuntscorner.com : A followup to "I Hate Natasha Bedingfield" tribute

Knowing the time I spent letting the world know how much I hate Natasha Bedingfield, I felt I was obliged to add her to this site when I stumbled upon it this evening from a link on UKResistance.

Just in case your internet has some kind of filtering on it to block certain rude URLs, here is the rudeness I added to the site.

Stalking, crazy, noise polluting cunt guilty of crimes against music. If the recent release of "I want to have your babies" isn't enough, her horselike appearance makes her a definite cunt. Horses are cunts too, but not quite as much as old Natasha..

There are probably thousands upon thousands of people I could add to this site, but Horseface is my hate flavour of the month so I thought I would do some self promotion by tagging the image and get her on there. I felt I needed to get a bit of horse hate in there too (probably some of the reason I hate Natasha Bedingfield) but I think I've got my main point across now!

There are some funny additions on there, including Jamie Oliver and Davina McCall, and the site is worth checking out to kill 10 minutes of your day if you're bored.

http://www.cuntscorner.com/

This time last year... 15/05/2006 seems a distant memory

This time last year I was saying my goodbyes, packing my things and excited about my "new life" in Korea. I can't believe how fast the last 12 months have gone by..

I left the UK on a grim Monday in May and the same Monday this year its actually quite pleasant out. That pretty much fits my moods for both really; the UK at the moment does seem quite nice, a few clouds in the sky and its a bit cold, but all in all its looking ok. Last year I really was full of clouds and the UK offered me nothing. Strange how a year and the weather can make you reflect on things.

The horizon for the future feels brighter than it did last year, and although I'm probably still not happy about being in the UK (because of the system more than the place itself) I'm a little happier with myself. This blog helps me get some things off my chest at least...

Maybe when the Tories get in they can start to repair some of the damage Tony Blair and his bunch of fuck puppets have done, but I doubt it. This country needs a lot but a housing market collapse would be a start. Maybe then we can start supporting those in society that actually pay their taxes, don't fiddle the system and just drain our resources with no intentions of bettering themselves... anyway, before I start, I'm happier than I was this time last year..

Oh, and fuck L Ron Hubbard and Scientology... they can eat shit and die and I will post on this later...

Natasha Bedingfield, you fucking horse faced bitch..

Nothing makes my piss boil more than people wanking off over how cute/great/amazing babies are. Get over it, children aren't special.. Bill Hicks tried to tell the world that and he saw his numbers dwindle, but I'm afraid its true..

Anyway, I was recently subjected to one of the worst things my eyes and ears have ever been subjected to, so bad i wanted to get a soldering iron and burn out my eyeballs, then squirt superglue in my earholes so I would never have to go through it again.

I once thought and hoped that karma had caught up with the Bedingfield household for crimes against humanity by subjected the world to its torturous overtones when Daniel Bedingfield was involved in a quite serious car accident, but unfortunately for Mother Earth, he managed to recover. His torment thereafter has been limited, but his accident paved the way for the torture that is his horse faced sister, Natasha. Knowing how much I fucking hate horses, she was someone I was always destined to hate, and far from a refreshing change to the music industry.

Amy had seen her new video and had to subject me to it, for the kicks of my facial expressions undoubtedly, but I almost couldn't believe it. The gates of Hell had opened and the visual feast of Satans bowels were pouring out with sounds to boot.

Seriously.. the song is called something like "I want to have your babies" and the premise is old Horseface goes around dating men, but secretly she just wants a kid. She probably found the lyrics written on the back of a rizla on the bus on her way to cash her giro, they certainly hit home to what most 15 year old chavettes are thinking. She goes with numerous guys all run like men, but eventually finds some metaphorical eunuch who does want a baby with her. The end involves probably one of the worst things I've ever heard, with her rap talking and describing the babies shes seeing in her head. How that got into the album track Ill never know, maybe it was added just for the video in the name of "artist licensing", who knows/cares.. it makes me wish I had the Ebola virus.

I wish I had an advanced TiVo for this shit, something that could detect the first few frames of shitty music videos and put them on block. It wouldn't even be hard to do. My version would say something like:


The following "music" video has been blocked:

Natasha Beddingfield - I want to have your babies

Under the Crimes Against Music Act 2007. If you do want to listen to this atrocity, enter "666" on your remote now.

Super Mega TiVo - making the World better by blocking the things that suck, one turd at a time.

So if you're feeling like puking so hard your intestines feel like theyre on the way out then jump across to YouTube and watch the video... it might be good for a couple of days of work with a bad back if you retch hard enough (Im sure you will)..

Email Joke of the Week

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's going to start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat arse down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to runaround like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed. "Damn, it's started."

I get lots of crap emails... this has been "the best" this week... rather than pollute your email account, ill just pollute my blog...

My Site Stats... popular? Not so much...

A Blog by Dave - I get bored and angry (s36delmorpha)

-- Site Summary ---
Visits Total .......................... 236
Average per Day ................. 13
Average Visit Length .......... 2:36
This Week ....................... 89
Page Views Total .......................... 381
Average per Day ................. 20
Average per Visit .............. 1.6
This Week ...................... 139

I've been tracking the stats of my blog recently, out of interest/hope of becoming more popular as Yahoo had a visitors count but Blogger doesn't, but my SiteMeter addon is great. It lets me know how random people landed on my blog and who visits regularly by location.

My blog is getting more popular thanks to Googles indexing, but I wouldn't say I currently have a massive audience. What has been interesting is seeing new peoples first visit, then to find they are returning, and thats great news!

Some other interesting things are the searches I'm found through. A lot of people steal the Pokemon picture in my 10 games article. It would seem quite a few people are interested in Sonic the Hedgehog having sex with Tails. it would also appear that there is actually an event called "Gizzfest" and my blog is number one for that search term. Happy Days!

In any case, for those of you who read my blog regularly cheers, you keep reading and Ill keep writing. For those of you new to my blog and find yourself returning, thank you too. I have quite a few new things to get off my chest this month, which will start over the weekend with an article I will be calling "I hate Natasha Beddingfield"...

Peace out!

This is Living featuring beardy twat...

I don't know this guy, I've never met this guy in my life but he is a twat. Look at him, with his beard and his "This is Living" Sony fanboy T-Shirt. Twat.

I'm told he is 22.. so why does he have a beard?

He is a bell ringer. He goes pot holing. He probably is a member of a Christian Youth Association and runs some sort of swimming club for young boys with innocent intentions under the name of Christianity. Probably..

Well, anyway, couple the beard and the Sony fanboyism, I had to blog this twat. Twat.

Oh, and look... I'm blogging at work... lol... good start Dave, good start..

All Work and No Blog makes Dave a dull Boy..

Well, I've started my new job and I'm doubting I'm going to be as flexible to do my blog as I was in previous positions by hey hoe, these things happen! This isn't to say that its the end of my blogging, far from it, it just means I will be restricted to blogging in the evenings and the weekends that I'm not working.

Thus far the new job is going pretty well, it's most definitely a job in IT and a "job" job... unlike some of my previous positions that I had a bit more freedom as it were. Read into that what you will but the jobs great, the moneys great, and the prospects are great so I'm happy. Who knows, this may be a job I can last longer than 12 months in...

Thats not to say I've never had a long term job, I mean I was at Janda for more than 4 years *shudders* but more recently I've had more in and outs that I'd care to remember when it comes to jobs. If you add up the total employment length per employer its actually not so bad, but on paper my CV is a little fragmented. I'm just hoping with the promises of MS certification and the quality of the companies we do business for, and the enjoyment of the job, this will be something I will be doing in 12 months time.

Anyway, I just thought I'd keep people updated, and my blog on the "updated often" trawl of Google. There are a few things I havent had chance to comment on yet (Nintendo, you're lucky...) but I will do once I get settled.

Founder of Pandora drops in and says hi! Hi Tim!! :)

To my shock/disbelief, the founder of Pandora has left a comment about my post of the Death of Pandora. For those too lazy to click the comments section, here it is:

Thanks for posting on this, Dave. I think it's important for folks to understand that far from 'jumping in to bed' with anyone, we've made this decision in order not to. In the UK we're working on a statutory agreement that will allow us to remain as neutral as we have always been. Pandora never has, and NEVER will, play a song because we've been paid to do it. NEVER.

So very sorry about this. Any webcaster around the world, no matter where they stream 'from', requires direct licenses for EVERY rightsholder, for EVERY song, for EVERY country in which it is streamed. That's the climate in which the kind of fear you have is more likely to come true. Direct deals can have all sorts of strings attached.

We'll keep working as hard as we can to find a solution.

Tim (Founder)

What a hero! How many web founders are dedicated enough to clear up a few things about their websites new decisions, no matter how small the reader base (although Google seems to be picking me up a bit better and my hits are going up daily, those of you who read my blog regularly will always be the hardcore!) and actively seek out anyone commenting on it!

In response to his comments I say this.. great to hear that your not allowing yourselves to get too shafted by the RIAA and anyone associated with their digital "War of Terror" and good luck trying to get a solution suitable for everyone.

Its also good to hear from the horses mouth that you don't contaminate the mix with financial gains in mind. To be honest, I'm sure it would be very tempting with the more commercial artists to set up a reciprocal pay per play deal (like broadcasting radio stations) but thankfully my taste in music is far from commercial and thats one of the things I love about your site (that I don't have to listen to shite).

Hopefully you will do whats right for everyone, not just for the US. In a week where we've seen you guys and Microsoft shutting your digital doors to to world in one form or another, your reassurance goes a little way to restoring my faith that there is going to continue to be a world outside the US.

You have the formula so, so right.. it turns out that Last.FM was just a cheap fling, so it would be a shame to lose you. Although my Biffy Clyro radio station was far better with Last.FM (only because Biffy are a small band from Scotland and they're similar artists can only be found on smaller independent labels), as a whole it just isn't the same. There is no way to tell Last.FM of other bands you want it to mix in, you can't go back to artists you've listened to easily, whether that be to say you loved/hated it or to perhaps buy it, and the interface just isn't friendly at all.

On a personal note to Tim, welcome to my blog and hope you come back soon! If you keep up the good work, i'll keep recommending you to my friends and associates. Oh, and if you ever need an angry Software Engineer willing to travel the globe, with an opinion on everything whose a big fan of music, digital rights and wrongs, and sticking it to the RIAA just give me a call... I need an excuse to get out the UK and would love to come work for you! ;)

Site of the Week - Life after Pandora.com : Last.FM

I am a whore. Only hours after Pandora left me I'm already "in bed" with her hotter British second cousin Last.FM and from what I can tell she does all the things Pandora didn't let you do.. she even lets you share her goodies with your friends!

With a sexier, more streamlined interface, and thus far less Americanised music choices, Last.FM is filling the stop gap whilst Pandora gets its fuck on with the RIAA and she comes back a beaten and abused version of herself.

I didn't want my relationship with Pandora to end, but somehow it has.. her abusive Uncle has come home stomping his feet at her being too cheap, too fancy free with her content and she needs to "Shape Up or he will kill her". I'm not into the needy type, and Pandora will come crawling back and be needier than ever, so our relationship is most definitely over.

So Last.FM gets my vote as Site of the Week... if only because she was there for me the day I broke up with Pandora..