Lost friends, Lost memories...whatever Jesus!

In my imaginary world, my sharp tongue sometimes gets me in trouble and I once had a friend called, oh I dont know, Brian, (whom I miss dearly) that I no longer talk to because of. You see Be... Brian went to Au...America to fall head over heels in love with his internet girlfriend of 9 months and live happily ever after. I was ecstatic that one of my closest friends was going to be doing something for himself and force himself out of the hole he felt he'd dug himself into... maybe thats slightly off, but its close to the truth.

As you'd expect, contact between the two of us was limited as Brian made the most of his new life and having limited access to a computer meant our catch ups were brief at best. If I had only known about the brilliance of Skype before he went perhaps we would've stayed in better touch, but in any case we didnt hear from each other quite as much as we should've.

Then I get an email, addressed to a crap load of people, telling me that my once best friend was getting married and I should be blissfully happy for them both... but I genuinely wasn't happy so why pretend.

You see, I should also explain the bad blood that occurred between Brians internet girlfriend (lets call her Mrs. BIG - it seems fitting) and my circle of close imaginary friends. From this side of the globe it felt like Mrs. BIG had done everything she could to wheedle out some of Brians old friends and torment his soul about those that she didnt like with a mixture of lies, manipulation and spin, which seemingly worked as if drove a massive stake between a fair few people.

There were some things that just didn't add up at times.. one of my close friends had told me that Mrs. Big had been talking dirty to him, and by dirty I mean enough to cause concern several thousand miles away. A conversation would be going just fine then all of a sudden, like a schizophrenic outburst, the conversation would delve into the realms of dungeon porn. While some of my friends might enjoy and embelish this, this guy is a long standing friend of both of ours and I can genuinely believe that what he says isn't a lie, or even an extenuated story to tell to the lads. He would just close down his messaging service whenever she did this and ignore it straight away, as this was the start of how another imaginary friend was gradually weened out.

In the last stages of our digital friendship it started happening to me.. she started talking about how she liked to pee on Brian in the shower and how it really turned him on at random intervals; I couldnt quite work out the psychology behind this, maybe she was attempting to tell me how comfortable they are together, appealing to something that I certainly had no interest in, but in any case it happened.

But back to my story, Brian and Mrs. BIG were getting married and that was that. I'm not against marriage at all, in fact my real life friend Tom had got married 9 months prior to my imaginary friend, and although I was a bit saddened not to be his best man (he played it safe and chose his brother! ) I was genuinely happy for them both. I just felt like something didn't add up so I told him that.. and I felt the wrath.

Maybe I should've kept my gob shut, but Im not that kind of person so I told them how shocked I was to be told like this, and maybe we werent as close as we once were. I got accused of "making this about me" and "why cant I be happy for them like X and Y". Whatever.

In any case, I'd hoped we'd sorted it out in the end. I said sorry etc etc, we worked it out. Until about 6 weeks later, when Mrs. BIG skitzed out again and turned on me like a pack of ravenous dogs would. I apparently was no longer a friend of theirs. I made up the following MSN conversation for the purpose of this story:

[When I find the time I will make up the story and post it here! - Its on my other computer I find the time to be creative! ]

I haven't heard from Mrs. BIG since, apart from during the World Cup when she reared her ugly head to rub it in my face that Japan had been beaten by her team (wait... America werent in Japans group..lol.. ) from behind my being blocked, to only disappear once she'd gloated.

12/06/2006		15:58:12		brian		[βισςЌзδ] Dªν€ β		WE WON
12/06/2006		15:58:15		brian		[βισςЌзδ] Dªν€ β		WE WON
12/06/2006		15:58:16		brian		[βισςЌзδ] Dªν€ β		WE WON
12/06/2006		15:58:25		[βισςЌзδ] Dªν€ β		brian		yup
12/06/2006		15:58:37		[βισςЌзδ] Dªν€ β		brian		beat my favourite team no less :P
12/06/2006		15:58:46		brian		[βισςЌзδ] Dªν€ β		Japan? Why not England?
12/06/2006		15:59:10		brian		[βισςЌзδ] Dªν€ β		What an incredible game... we both jumped up and down all the way through it....
12/06/2006		15:59:10		[βισςЌзδ] Dªν€ β		brian		well i support england but japan is my favourite non english tema
12/06/2006		16:00:39		brian		[βισςЌзδ] Dªν€ β		Hey gotta fly.. just came online to see my (AMERICAN) friends and get all excited with them... man totally thought Japan had it in the bag....
12/06/2006		16:00:48		[βισςЌзδ] Dªν€ β		brian		yup
12/06/2006		16:01:15		brian		[βισςЌзδ] Dªν€ β		byebye
12/06/2006		16:01:21		[βισςЌзδ] Dªν€ β		brian		l8er

I mean come on... this is really really pathetic! 3 minutes to "jump online" (and by jump online I mean message me from beneath my blocked status) and gloat because I had changed my MSN comment to reflect the games result.

But in any case, I tried to keep in touch with Brian, and before I left to go to Korea he was supposed to come round just to catch up/just say hello-goodbye really. But he didn't. He was waiting for my call and he turned his phone off on the evening he was supposed to be visiting me. He knew damn well we had one weekend from the point of his return to my departure when we could meet up and he chose not to use it. He even went to see one of my closest friends in the weekend, and despite my being at home packing and sorting things out he didn't even drop in to say hi.

So I left for Korea, responding to his limp text (that said something about maybe in another life we could catch up) with a typically me response. I think even Amy sent Brian a snotty text as she drove away from the airport, she knew how disappointed I was not to have seen him.

But such is life, and yet again I let it go and was willing to see through it. Until my birthday, where I got a rather half arsed email blaming his lack of, well... anything really, on the fact he was destined to become a "fucking selfish lazy arsehole". I was hammered from too much soju/it being 6am after a 5 hour norebang session so I was in the perfect mood to respond, quoting Bill Hicks' of his long lost lover that once told him she loved him to only leave, and that he hoped one day that she would be led underneath her 600lb husband and he has a heart attack and pukes blood and bile into her mouth, and at the point shes drowning under that warm flaccid monolith she makes Bill Hicks out on the Tonight Show. Genius.

..and I surprisingly havent heard a dicky bird since! I also pointed out in my rather blunt email that I knew I was on Brians blocked MSN list, being the computer nerd that I am, and since that I can now see him whenever he/she logs in on their shared MSN. Score!

So, I hear you cry, why, today of all days, are you dredging this up?! I don't actually know.. I felt like surfing his blog and it brought up a lot of memories, and I just wanted to get my side of things on the table. I genuinely miss my close friend Brian, and hate that there is now bad blood between us. My story is largely incomplete, fact devoid, and completely one sided but I hope its been an interesting read in any case!